ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
