I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
