I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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