ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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