shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
this just has baby written all over it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
