Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
