you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
