So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
