I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm just crazy horny about you
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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