I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
