ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Randomize
