There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
