My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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