So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
