I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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