I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
