I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
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It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
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Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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