I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
