Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
