I think i peed on brittanys purse
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
