you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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