You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it's great music for shaving your balls
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
