insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
