I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
