I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
