i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
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The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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