You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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