Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
