so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
