so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
