I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
