cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Can I color on your dick again?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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