??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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