you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
