Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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