He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize