But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
