Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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