News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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