woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
