and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
