sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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