I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
