how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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