Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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