I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
