the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
