Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
