oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
