I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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