Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
