used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
