Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
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Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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