I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
