my phone needs a breathalizer
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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