I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
