I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
