I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
