I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
